Virtual Moxie - The Cure For The Common Virtual Assistance Practice

How not to wait while waiting to hear from a prospective client

So you’ve sent a marketing letter, or answered an RFP, or in the case of AssistU VAs, a reply to a Registry request, and you find yourself on pins and needles, with your head buzzine with questions like, "How long will it take to hear back?" "What does the PC think of what I shared about myself and my business?" "Did I say too much/too little?" "Are my skills where they should be?" "Could I have done it better or differently--and would it have been better if I had?"

We’ve all been there. Me included.

So here’s something to think about—because, let’s face it, the waiting game really sucks!

In my experience, having watched thousands and thousands of clients come through the AssistU Registry (our referral service), and having up-close-and-personal interaction with those who choose to go through my Registry Gold process, they usually reply really quickly if they’re interested in talking further. That doesn’t mean that you may not hear from someone later, but chances aren’t good that you will.

So don’t wait. Instead, try this:

As you press the send button/seal the envelope/drop something in a mailbox, release it and your desire to talk with the PC to the Universe/God. Have no attachment to the outcome.Trust that whatever is supposed to happen is exactly what will happen. Then--just go about your business and life.

I know that having no attachment to the outcome is hard. How can you detach from it when you want clients and there's one so close you can almost taste him?

In truth, it’s rather like playing fetch with your dog. You throw the stick, the dog runs after it, and when he finds it, he may—or may not—decide to return it to you. But once you’ve thrown it, there’s literally nothing you can do until you see if it comes back.

Chances are, when you play fetch, you toss that stick, but don’t have any real attachment to whether or not your dog actually brings it back to you. I mean, on some level you think it would be great, because it would mean he’s smart, but if it doesn’t happen, it’s probably no big deal for you.

And that’s the way you have to be when replying to a prospective client…thinking that it would be great if the PC responded and wanted to talk further with you (because it would mean he’s smart! ;) ), but if it doesn’t happen, it’s no big deal.

If you spend your time actively waiting, and going through the machinations that most people go through while they wait , you can’t possibly be present to opportunities that may be showing up in the now.

Bit O’Moxie: The now is all you have. Focus on what’s in front of you, and stop staring sadly at the past and/or longingly at the future. It’s a crappy game. And you’ve much better things to do with your time than play it.

Wherever you are today--you put yourself there.

As you may know, this month is 31 Days of Self-Care, and I’m running a nine-week salon as well, where we’re reading Cheryl Richardson’s terrific book, Take Time for Your Life. Each week we’re reading and discussing one chapter, and then supporting one another as we engage in far better self-care.There's still time to join us if you've a mind to!

Now, it takes a lot of moxie to put yourself first. Especially for moms and people who take care of others, it seems to be antithetical. But we know that the less we care for ourselves, the more tired and overwhelmed we feel and that can lead to anger and resentment—which are antithetical to the love which put us in caring roles to begin with.

Yesterday in the Salon, I shared a thought that I wanted to bring here to you. It’s useful whether you’re facing challenges or not, either in your personal or professional life. It may be the single biggest bit O I’ve ever given voice to (although I am by no means the first to give voice to this idea). It’s this:

No one can significantly improve her circumstances unless she first accepts responsibility for putting herself in those circumstances to begin with.

Wherever you are…whatever the state of your life, your practice, your relationships, your body/health, your finances…every aspect of your life, you absolutely have to get at a deep a profound level that YOU have put yourself where you are today.

• Have a full practice of great clients? You put yourself there.
• Have a full practice of crappy clients? You put yourself there.
• Have a marriage that’s lousy? You put yourself there.
• Have terrific relationships with your kids? You put yourself there.
• In debit and out of work? You put yourself there.
• Living the life of your dreams? You put yourself there.

You. Did. It.

That’s not blame. That’s not judgment. That’s simply fact, dear hearts.

And you may have had help. I'm not saying you necessarily created it all alone. But you absolutely, positively, categorically are where you are--in the circumstances in which you currently find yourself--because of choices you made.

Until you understand and accept that, you’ll be looking around you for someone to blame or give credit to. But once you accept it, you can refine it or change it—whichever is needed.

Bit O’Moxie: While you’re looking at where you are, also look at where you want to be. And realize that every bit of any shift that’s needed is 100% inside you.

Just as you’ve created your current circumstances, you can create new ones of your own choosing. Just decide; then move in that direction.

William Hutchinson Murray wrote:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

What do you want? And do you have the moxie to create it?

A strategy for investing -- time, energy, and yourself.

What’s your strategy for getting it all done this year? Do you have one that's practical and makes sense to you, or do you pretty much fly by the seat of your pants, making decision as things come up, but with no method to your madness?

My experience tells me that, for most people, it's the latter. One of the biggest hurdles people tell me they have to deal with is how to decide what to do with their time—especially their non-billable time. Billable time, it seems, is easy—they do what’s important to their clients. But the time that no one weighs in on but themselves? Not so easy to figure out.

There’s always something new to read, to learn, to investigate, to listen to—always a new group to join, an activity to take on, a new ezine to subscribe to (and don't get me started on when to read all the free reports!), and even if you're a life-long learner, it really gets tiring very quickly, doesn’t it? I know it makes me tired just thinking about it.

So today’s Bit O’Moxie is a strategy for figuring out where to spend your time and energy (where to invest YOURSELF, ‘cause that’s really what you’re doing) in the hopes of making this year a better one for you, at least on this score. It’s a twist on an Absolute Yes list (where you figure out how to say no to everything that isn’t on your list for at least 90 days).

Within the strategy, first create criteria. The criteria is a short list, if you will, of what you want in whatever you’re evaluating (taking a class, buying/reading a book, choosing an organizational tool, going to a networking event or a conference) that will help you take the emotion out of deciding and show you, quite simply, whether to go for it or not.

You'll find that just the act of getting your emotions out of the way will improve things for you. Having an objective list of things to weigh something against also quiets your brain, and lets the natural answer for you come easily to the surface.

For instance, in evaluating the four-bazillion classes being offered today, you might decide that this year, you ONLY want to invest in live (in person or virtual, but live with an instructor) classes, where what you learn will help you in either/both your professional or personal lives, and that are being taught by people who clearly have sufficient experience to teach them.

Along with the criteria, decide how much of them need to be present to get you involved. Maybe you decide that a class has to offer all three in order for you to consider investing in it. Maybe it has to offer two of the three. The choice is yours!

It’s unlikely that you’ll have just one set of criteria for everything. And it’s fine to make different sets for different things because what’s important to you with regard to classes you invest in may not be the same as what’s important to you with regard to conferences you attend, or potential clients you decide to talk with, or even who you follow on Twitter.

No matter how many different sets of criteria you have, you’ll want to write them down and keep them somewhere where you can access them quickly and easily when you need to. Maybe you put them in a spread sheet that you then keep on your desktop. Maybe you put them in lists in a doc, print it, cut out the lists, and post each to the sides of your monitor. Maybe you write them on index cards that sit on your desk within easy reach.

However you decide to do it is great. Just by creating strategy and criteria, and a process for using them/weighing things against the criteria, you’ll be far better able to say yes to what matters to you, and no to everything else.

What’s your criteria for things this year?

What I learned from a talented professional organizer

At the end of last year, I was fortunate enough to have done a session with Amy Thill. The goal was to explore and hopefully improve my time and space organization systems and such.

While I think I know myself pretty well, I have to say I learned a LOT, and that the best things I learned from Amy were based on her keen insight into how my brain works, based on my descriptions of things I do, the tools I use, and the way I use them.

Here's what I learned:

1. I really rock when it comes to managing my time.

I schedule EVERYTHING in Outlook. In a class I took on project management some years ago, the trainer said, "The person who controls the time controls the work." I really took that to heart (and may blog more about that, now that I've said it out loud). Seriously, if it's not on my calendar, it may as well not exist in my world. That means I almost never over commit or find myself lacking in time. And as I'm finding out, that's pretty extraordinary.

2. I should not compare myself to Dawn Goldberg

It seems that I have this unrealistic idea that I should be like Dawn--a veritable goddess of organizing, goal-setting,  and darned near perfection. But Dawn apparently is more of a freak than the norm, and being like her is absolutely beyond my ken. I need to stop watching her and trying or even wanting to be more like her. I'm a far better me than I'd ever be as a Dawn. ;)

3. I am no longer allowed in The Container Store

Ok -- that's a little tongue-in-cheek, but truly, TCS is for me like a crack house would be for an addict. It's dangerous in too many ways, and it's truly best to avoid it.

My friends, while what I'm going to share wasn't exactly news to me, in talking with Amy, it was the first time I had ever laid it all out at one time, or for someone else to look at, dive into, and smoosh around. I felt vulnerable, and completely safe with her at the same time. Here's what I told her (in a nutshell):

I always think there has to be something better out there...something that will allow me to be more organized, more efficient, just...more. So I'm prone to buying every single organizing thing-a-ma-jig I see--especially those I find at The Container Store. If I see something, and it seems like a better/easier/more helpful/more elegant/more beautiful solution to something than what I already have, I buy it. Then, if I get it home and it either doesn't work the way I thought it would, or it isn't actually better/easier/more helpful/more elegant/more beautiful than whatever I had, I set it aside, and it sits. And sits. And sits. Years later, stuff is still sitting.

For instance:

* I bought this "Do Not Forget" thing that hangs over a door knob. It has a place to attach keys, and little pockety things where you can tuck stuff (like letters to take to the post office, coupons to take to the store--things like that). It's been hanging over the door knob on the door to my office for at LEAST two years, and I've never used it. With it, I bought the "Do Not Forget" notepad, which you write on, and ostensibly tear off a sheet which then hangs over the doorknob. I've never used that, either.

* I had this idea that I'd like, from time to time, to have my laptop set up in my office so that I could work on my desktop and laptop at the same time. Not convenient to have the laptop on my desk, I bought a single tv tray table. I reasoned that, when folded up, it could sit conveniently behind my office door--out of the way, and yet be easily accessible when I wanted to use it. It's been sitting behind that door for at LEAST four years, and I've never used it.

* At the end of last year, Dawn and I each bought this gorgeous big wall calendar from the ever-yummy Paper Source, on which we thought we'd do some planning. She did, and I didn't. As it turns out, I a) don't actually have wall space for it, and b) can't wrap my head around planning on paper in ink (and pencil wouldn't be able to be seen from a distance)..all that inevitable crossing off and re-writing (in ink) just bothers me too much. So it's sitting, still wrapped up, on the floor by my office door. I'll never use it. Maybe Dawn could use another ;)

4. The unused stuff comes in and never leaves because, deep down, I think I SHOULD be able to use whatever I've bought and that if I keep the stuff around long enough, I'll figure out how to make it work. Amy graciously disavowed me of this notion by pointing out that nothing ever HAD worked that didn't work immediately, and everything that hadn't worked is still sitting there--still unused.

We also uncovered the reality that things either work for me or they don't, and I know immediately upon getting them home and in my space. For instance, none of the above mentioned stuff worked. But when I tried Gina Trapani's solution from Upgrade Your Life to having a perpetually empty inbox (it's Hack #1 in the book), it worked immediately. And it has worked every day since. And when I got my Blackberry and started keeping my passwords in Password Keeper, and my notes about stuff in Memo, it all worked immediately. And when I listened to the aforementioned trainer and tried scheduling everything, it worked immediately. I chose Gmail over that thing I used before--it worked immediately. And Dawn showed me how to collaborate with Groove, and, you guessed it, it worked immediately (she and I were using it together, quite literally, less than five minutes later, and use it flawlessly still...nearly five years later).

Amy's suggestion? Stop buying stuff (and specifically, stay out of the Container Store, which is clearly way more than I can handle or resist). And if I can't resist, I need to commit to either using the thing, or if it doesn't work for me, getting it out of my space--either by returning the item (if possible) or donating it to charity. Brilliant.

5. Plan more, but short-term.

Long-term planning doesn't work for me, anyway. 9/11 taught me that a ten-year plan is certainly overrated.

6. Bit O’Moxie: Most of all--what works for me just works. I really don't need to get help, or find new systems, or do anything different (except stay out of The Container Store, keep my credit card in my wallet, get rid of stuff that doesn't work, and stop watching Dawn--some of which will be far easier for me than the others).

I walked away from the consultation with some good ideas for change, some validation about the things I already do, and the knowledge that I'm actually pretty darned efficient.

If you'd like an evaluation of what you're doing and how it might be made better, I heartily recommend talking with Amy! Visit her site, or give her a shout at amy @ amythill.com.