One of my coaching clients has a husband who has been out of work for some time, and he’s really feeling the strain of it. Her concern was how to stay focused on her VA practice and upbeat, while trying to support him with a situation she’s helpless to fix.
It’s a story I’ve heard (in one form or another) since the new year. In case you find yourself in a similar place, here’s a Bit O’Moxie for getting through it.
It’s easy to get pulled down with someone who’s struggling. And to do that would be a travesty. It’s unfortunate enough that your husband is struggling. You don’t need to join him in that—or the misery that’s probably accompanying the struggle.
So, first, simply decide that you won’t go there. Refuse to join the pity party. Remember that this isn’t YOUR situation—it just seems to be yours because you’re in a relationship with him and you care about him, and your family. In truth, the situation belongs to him. And, as such, it’s not yours to fix in any context. He has to fix it. Your “job” (assuming you want it) is to be supportive.
Before you begin that, though, it’s most important to remember that you absolutely have to take great care of yourself, first. As with an emergency in an airplane where you’re cautioned to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your child with hers, you have to be sure that you’re super well before you can even think about how to help with a situation like this.
And you have to stay super well. So eat well, and exercise, and get plenty of sleep, and focus your thoughts and your self on happy things, and things that make you feel good.
The happier you are, the better you feel, the better your business is doing, and the more forward you’re moving, the more hopeful a picture you portray to others—including your spouse. And it should be noted that it’s really hard for someone to stay down in the muck and mire when surrounded by people who refuse to be. So continue to refuse to be, no matter what.
In short, the very best thing you can do for your spouse is be the best you can be to yourself—and taking care of your practice is no small part of that. What you do internally will radiate out and impact him…even if seemingly slowly, or in small measure, making him ultimately far more attractive for whatever job(s) he decides to go for, and far more available for good jobs (it’s hard to be available for good when you’re feeling down and out).
By focusing on being good to yourself, you will absolutely also be able to focus on helping him be good to, and for, himself.
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