Virtual Moxie - The Cure For The Common Virtual Assistance Practice

Authority over doesn't always mean competence in

My pal, Tim Milburn (@timage), tweeted this one day last week:

Authority over doesn't always mean competence in. Good leadership always looks for the best people for the job.

Business owners—in this case, I’m talking about your clients--are the leaders of their own stuff. They make the decisions, the choices, and the buck absolutely stops with them. They have ultimate authority over their businesses.

But having the authority over their businesses doesn’t even often mean they have competence in every area. Chances are great they don’t have any competence in administration. And that’s why it’s so important for you to be the expert your clients turns to for administrative guidance.

I think you should absolutely should be, as a practical matter, the CAO—Chief Administrative Officers for your clients, and everything administrative in nature should be running over your desk for comment, strategy, and to be dealt with in execution. If they are smart leaders of their companies, they'll see the rightness in this, and get out of your way, and let you do what you came to do for them.

Bit O’Moxie: Be the best person for that particular job. Show yourself to be an indispensable partner for the business’ success. Just in the same way your clients don't try to be their own lawyers, and seek out expert guidance in legal matters, present yourself in such a way that your clients see you in that same light with regard to the nuts and bolts of how their businesses run!

Having the Moxie to pull back when you need to

I’d been thinking that I could write Moxie on Tuesday, as usual. I mean, it’ll be the day after surgery, and I’ve been thinking that, at the very least, I could lay in bed with my Air on my lap and pound out a post.

But then I thought about something Dawn said to me last week as we talked about my schedule, and my anticipated downtime (I’ve only planned for a week—my Moxie post notwithstanding). She said to me, “Well, you’ll probably be ok, but remember to be gentle with yourself, and give yourself the time you need. Ahhh.. I know you, and I know that if you need more time, you’ll simply tell people, and reschedule stuff.”

And she’s right about that—I have absolutely no problem telling people I can’t do what they are expecting me to do. Crap happens to us all, and sometimes things need to be shuffled around a bit. Life’s like that.

And that—that it’s really ok to change your mind, change your schedule, change your plans—could very well be this week’s Bit O’Moxie. But it’s not.

Instead, I’m sharing this:

There a wall that each of us has within us. It’s the wall that each of us sometimes runs face first into while trying to get it all done, or get it all done in a certain arbitrarily defined time. This wall is called "capacity," and it shows up when we over do and things start falling apart as a result of the overdoing.

It’s smart to know where that wall is, and it’s beyond smart to stop yourself when you see it coming, but it’s not quite smashing up against your nose.

For me, it’s right here, right now—Sunday night, T-8 hours. I’m looking at tomorrow, when I’ll be having bariatric surgery and ridding myself of 4/5 of my stomach in an attempt to lose a ton of weight so I will no longer be diabetic. No small adventure, that. But I deserve for it to be an easy adventure. I deserve, then, to be able to get discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, and rest. Just rest. No computer nearby, and no Moxie post needing to be written.

So I’m writing tonight to say that there simply won’t be a Moxie post this week. And there may not be one next week, either, depending on what happens with me this week. I’m thinking good thoughts about being back here with all of you and posting. But if not?

Yeah… life’s like that. And I’m happily giving myself, and all of you, permission to do what you need to do, and to not give a fig what people think about it.

If you're interested, you can follow my journey on my personal blog, and on Facebook.

Until I’m back… :)

Staying positive when someone you love is struggling

One of my coaching clients has a husband who has been out of work for some time, and he’s really feeling the strain of it. Her concern was how to stay focused on her VA practice and upbeat, while trying to support him with a situation she’s helpless to fix.

It’s a story I’ve heard (in one form or another) since the new year. In case you find yourself in a similar place, here’s a Bit O’Moxie for getting through it.

It’s easy to get pulled down with someone who’s struggling. And to do that would be a travesty. It’s unfortunate enough that your husband is struggling. You don’t need to join him in that—or the misery that’s probably accompanying the struggle.

So, first, simply decide that you won’t go there. Refuse to join the pity party. Remember that this isn’t YOUR situation—it just seems to be yours because you’re in a relationship with him and you care about him, and your family. In truth, the situation belongs to him. And, as such, it’s not yours to fix in any context. He has to fix it. Your “job” (assuming you want it) is to be supportive.

Before you begin that, though, it’s most important to remember that you absolutely have to take great care of yourself, first. As with an emergency in an airplane where you’re cautioned to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your child with hers, you have to be sure that you’re super well before you can even think about how to help with a situation like this.

And you have to stay super well. So eat well, and exercise, and get plenty of sleep, and focus your thoughts and your self on happy things, and things that make you feel good.

The happier you are, the better you feel, the better your business is doing, and the more forward you’re moving, the more hopeful a picture you portray to others—including your spouse. And it should be noted that it’s really hard for someone to stay down in the muck and mire when surrounded by people who refuse to be. So continue to refuse to be, no matter what.

In short, the very best thing you can do for your spouse is be the best you can be to yourself—and taking care of your practice is no small part of that. What you do internally will radiate out and impact him…even if seemingly slowly, or in small measure, making him ultimately far more attractive for whatever job(s) he decides to go for, and far more available for good jobs (it’s hard to be available for good when you’re feeling down and out).

By focusing on being good to yourself, you will absolutely also be able to focus on helping him be good to, and for, himself.