Say "no" to no fit

In a comment about my Believe What You See post, Lisa Humphries wrote (in part):

"I think it's helpful to keep in mind that people can be thoughtless and self-centred and have different values to us, and we aren't going to be able to change them, so it's best leave them behind."

Yes, yes, yes!

Knowing who you are, having high standards, knowing what’s ok with you and not ok—all the “stuff” I write about week after week is what allows you to really get that there are just some people it’s best to leave behind.

And it doesn’t matter, does it, what circumstance in which we find someone with whom we don’t fit—whether that’s a colleague, a new friend, a love interest, or even someone following us on Twitter.

No fit, is no fit. And trying to fight that is tantamount to rowing against a strong tide. You can row and row and row, never get anywhere, and end up incredibly tired and frustrated.

It’s so much better to be willing to just surrender to the fact that there’s no fit.

Covey originated the concept of win/win—situations where everyone wins. He also talked about win/lose, where one person wins, and that win necessitates the other’s loss. And there’s also no deal. What I’m talking about today is no deal. It’s where you really get that there’s no need to even start the “game.” Where you refuse to play because you know there’s no point.

No deal is actually win/win. And that’s because both people get to walk away, whole and complete, without having been made to feel like a change was required, or that either of them was wrong, not good enough, or any other feeling that people often feel in situations where they try too hard to make things work with people they shouldn’t be trying with.

It’s not your job to fix or change everyone (or worse, change yourself to fit what they need). And, in fact, the more you struggle with people who don’t fit (with you or in your practice), the less time you have to do billable work, or spend free time any way you choose. So if you see yourself in this, stop it, will ya? :)

It really is perfectly ok to not fit with people.

Bit O’Moxie:Two quotations for you:

Resign as Mother of the Universe. – Me :)

And…

"Everything we want in life is downstream. Drop the oars. Stop trying to push the river." —Sister Cathy Beckley

All of your life and work doesn’t need to be hard. Take it easy.

Say no to no fit, and in the process, say yes to more of what you deserve!

Comments

[Teresa]

Wow, what a great reminder. Michael Port speaks to this topic as well saying you should only work with your ideal clientele. I agree with him and you that we were put on this planet to serve certain people...and letting the ones we're not meant to serve go will allow them to work with who they're meant to. It's okay, and honorable to say "NO...we're not going to have a good working relationship...but maybe I can refer you to someone who may be a good fit."

[Cindy Morse]

As usual Stacy, you always seem to hit the nail right on the head with your posts! This one spoke to me in particular, because it helped me through a rough situation. Thanks, and keep up the good work!!

[Lesley Fisher]

I have spent the last two weeks not being "Mother of the Universe" and it has been FANTASTIC!!! People have survived without me, and they are starting to see I have a new set of priorities!!!