On "disappearing."

Danielle wrote a post about six weeks ago where she wrote about something I’d written in this post about creating safety in the relationships you have with your clients. Specifically, she thought that my writing, “No disappearing--even for a day or two,” ridiculously conveyed that VAs should behave like employees.

Because my language was obviously confusing for her and, apparently one of the commenters to her post, too, I thought it might have confused some of you, and I wanted to make sure to clarify--because making sure you understand what I write, and what I stand for is important.

So let’s review. Here's what I actually wrote:

“The more that you run your business according to the guidelines (standards) you shared with your client when you first consulted with her, and the more that the client can see that you take care of things as promised (with no wishy-washyness), the safer the client will feel, the faster the client will trust, and the further the client will bring you along into her world and her business.

The number one thing that’s required in this? Transparency. No hiding. No keeping secrets. No fibs, or worse, lies. No spinning the truth about your capabilities. No saying that you can handle something when you don't have the skills or ready resources to take care of it. No disappearing--even for a day or two. No gaps in communication.”

It seems to me, even as I re-read it now, that those two paragraphs, taken on the whole, and in context with the entirely of my three-part post would make it clear to anyone reading it, whether new to me or not, that I wasn’t suggesting that a person be an employee, or behave like one, chained to her desk all the time, but that, instead, I was suggesting that disappearing, without the client having any idea that the leave taking was happening, wasn’t appropriate. But apparently it wasn't clear, and I’m sorry for that. To be more clear, I have always believed, and so teach and coach VAs accordingly, that (in part):

• VAs are business owners, and should behave as such.
• VAs should never foster dependencies in their clients; there’s a vast difference between “depending on” and “being dependent upon,” and VAs shouldn’t allow clients to become the latter.
• VAs (in fact, anyone in business) should be courteous, responsive, and responsible to their clients.

So, in the context of the post which was about communication and transparency, and helping a client feel safe, “not disappearing, even for a day or two” simply means that you should keep your client in the loop as to what’s going on with you.

If you’re going to be away, and the client’s expectation (because of whatever sort of agreement you’ve made with her) is that you are always in your office at certain times, you really should let her know something different is happening, and let her know when she can expect you to be back in the groove. On the other hand, if you have an agreement with her such that she doesn’t expect that you’re in your office every day, then perhaps you need to do nothing at all. I still think that niceties are...well, nice!

Bit O’Moxie: It's great to have high standards, and explicit agreements that let clients know exactly what can be expected of you. Relationships thrive when well cared for. Whatever you can do to foster them is a good thing. In truth? There's never a disconnect between being/behaving as a business owner, and being/behaving as a courteous,kind, relationally responsible person.

Hope I've been more clear this time around. If you have any lingering questions about this, or questions about anything else, you know how to find me in comments, or by email!

Comments

[Petra Boucher]

Hi Stacy

What a gracious, and generous way to provide clarity, although, of course, I had not read the other article until you made reference to it here.

I read your original post and fully understood what you meant. The analogy that I came up with was of visiting someone and then just getting up and leaving without saying that I was going. I am not asking permission to leave, and I don't even need to say where I am going, but I wouldn't just "disappear" that is rude!

I agree this is even more important in virtual relationships. My clients cannot see me. They typically correspond with me via email. Therefore they do not know whether I am on the other side to pick it up. If they don't receive a response within a few hours, what are they to think? I am just busy, or am I not there. If I was prone to going away without letting them know, then how could they ever be certain about what to do with the work they needed to get done, how would they know if I had been hurt or something? I think what I am trying to say is that being dependable, and reliable is an important aspect of being a VA. But also just being a dependable and reliable colleague, maybe even friend, is also part and parcel of a successful relationship.