Do you trust what you can't see?

In one of my coaching groups yesterday, I had occasion to tell my clients about an interesting ezine article I’d written back in ’96 or ’97 when I was crazy enough to publish a zine (called The Daily Assistant) five days/week. See? Crazy, I tell ya. I did it faithfully for three years before I burned out. I feel quite certain that’s why I can’t blog “normally” now (several times/week). Blege.

Anyway, back in the day, I wrote a piece on intuition. And when I shared it with my coaching clients yesterday, they loved it. I thought it might be something you’d enjoy and find helpful, too. So, here it is, changed a bit, and updated for VM, but with still the same information.
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A VA pal calls to discuss an exchange she had with a client. She's clearly frustrated -- she's said so, and you can hear it in her tone. Even though nothing more is said, as you listen, you know there's more going on. You don't know what it is, and although you think exploring it with your friend might make her angry or upset, you decide to broach a deeper conversation with her that uncovers some things your friend wasn't even aware of. How did you pick up on them, when she didn't even know about them? How did you know there was something else going on?

Intuition is your Wise Self talking to you. And that "knowing" I referred to is your Wise Self talking to you. It sees, hears, and senses things that are deeper than the things we, as humans, “normally” pick up on, and communicates that info to us in various ways. Some people see visions. Some hear the information. Some get sensations in their body, others a more general "feeling" or "sense." However it comes to you, your intuition can be a great help!

Trusting your intuition--trusting what you know, even when you can't see it--is incredibly wise, especially when your clients and colleagues are at a distance from you. One wonderful way to use it is in support of your handling situations before you're frustrated, upset, or something spirals out of control.

I use a four-step model:

Message ===> Lesson ===> Problem ===> Crisis

Your Wise Self will touch you first with a Message. A Message is always sent in a very subtle way. You always get the Message, but you either don't understand it, or you brush it aside, sure it can't be accurate.

When you do, the Message returns--this time in the form of a Lesson. Lessons are a bit louder, and always bring with them a consequence. Lessons are most always ignored, as well.

Ignoring the Lesson brings it back as a Problem. Problems are too big to ignore or brush aside, but most often get quick-fixes, not your time and attention to find the source of them.

Ignored once again, the Problem returns as a Crisis. At that point, you can no longer ignore, or do a quick fix. A Crisis usually takes the form of severe illness, loss of an important relationship, maybe a client... something BIG enough to wake you up.

In retrospect, you'll find yourself saying, "Gee, I saw this coming, but I didn't do anything about it." A valid reference, of course, to the Messages, Lessons, and even the Problems that came before the Crisis. You saw (meaning you noticed, got the hints) what couldn't be seen.

Wouldn't it be better to learn to listen to the Messages when you hear them, and act on them even if it doesn't make any "rational" sense? At first, I didn't think so. But when I paid attention long enough to watch how things happened in my work, and saw that, indeed, there were Messages that could have been acted on that would have prevented problems for me, that would have helped me make smarter, better, quicker decisions that would have served me well, I learned to listen to my intuition -- to my Wise Self -- and to act on Messages right away.

An example of how this might play out:

You're interviewing a prospective client, and he says things about assistants he's worked with in the past that make you uneasy (Messages). You shrug them off, telling yourself they don't mean anything, that those relationships were in the past, or that you're being sensitive. You move into a relationship with him, and a month later, he makes an inappropriate joke that hits you the wrong way (Lesson). You decide not to say anything because you don't want to offend him or make it a bigger issue than it is. A while later, he asks you to reprint something he didn't write in the newsletter you do for him (you're the editor). He says he has permission from the author, but something inside tells you that’s not true (Problem). You admit your discomfort with it (the band-aid), but he insists that it will be ok, so you publish the article. A while later, you, the editor, receive an email from an attorney representing the actual author of the article you reprinted. They're considering suing your client, as owner of the newsletter, and you as editor, as well (Crisis!!!!!).

You knew this was a bad-news client. This client had zero integrity, and simply wasn't a good choice for the kind of VA/Client relationship you wanted. You got the Message, and chose to ignore it. Imagine what trouble you could have saved yourself if you had acted on the Message!

So the challenge? That’s today’s Bit O’Moxie: Wake up and pay attention to the Messages you receive, and to get good at acting on them. Learn to trust your knowing. When you do, you'll find there's far less drama, heartache, and frustration in your work. You're also likely to attract a higher quality of client. Your Wise Self will never steer you in the wrong direction. You can trust that, too!

Comments

[Mary Koch]

Hi Stacy,

Thank you so much for posting this article. It was a "reminder" lesson for me. I think it is so important for VAs to always trust their intuition especially when dealing with clients. When I haven't listened to my intuition, situations always come back and bite me in the butt. I would like to print off your post to keep it as a reminder if that's okay?

Sometimes I get the terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is bad is going to happen, but I don't know what it is or to whom it is going to happen to. That was the case before my son died. I knew something bad was going to happen to him, but I didn't know what it was. I hated the car he bought but didn't know why. Well now I know why, because he died in a car accident with that car. One thing I will say, I'm not sure if I could have prevented his accident or not. From what you said, I should have been able to, but I haven't and won't go through my life thinking that way.

In closing, I still think that listening to our intuition is a very good thing.

Have a great day.

Mary Koch