He's a user. You're a fool!

Here in Baltimore (as in many other cities) we have a City Paper. In it is a syndicated column by Dan Savage—who offers sex advice to those who write in. He's on point, and incredibly fun to read.

In his most recent column, a couple of men wrote in about a friend who was involved in a relationship with a younger, down-trodden, out-of work, no-money-in-the-bank kinda guy. Their pal had mortgaged his own house to rent the dude an apartment, furnish it, buy him clothes, and generally get him back on his feet. Once there, the man dumped him for younger men.

Even so, their pal didn't date anyone else—he was holding on to the hope that his beloved would come back to him, and they'd live happily ever after.

The friends who had written to the columnist about this wanted to know what they could do to help get their pal away from such a sad and unhealthy situation. Noble, that.

And Savage said they should talk to their pal and say something like, "He's a user. You're a fool."

Yeah… I know it's the common sense thing to do, but…easier said than done. Still--it's smart, and we all know it.

Like the boyfriend who was taken advantage of, and then continued to want to put himself in the path of the advantage taker, I hear from so many Virtual Assistants who feel taken advantage of by clients—obviously not that the level of their mortgaging their houses, but advantage taking is advantage taking, you know?

Bit O’Moxie: You can't fix people. You can't make a crappy relationship good (my mama used to say you can't make chicken salad outta chicken poop!). And you can't (ok.. you can but what's the point?) hang on to clients who take advantage of you.

If you have one (or more) advantage takers in your practice, ditch 'em! ("He's a user. You're a fool!") Get on with finding people who are ideal for you and wouldn't think of taking advantage of you for a second!

And make your standard higher about who a client has to be to get a place in your practice, to begin with…and who that client has to continue to be to earn the right to stay.

Comments

[Antonette]

A, This is so true. The longer you hang on to an advantage taker (in any relationship) the more resentment will grow.

I had a situation in which I was hanging on to a client because we worked together on the same Board. I felt it would be awkward to let her go as a client, and still see her every other week. Well, it got to the point where I was avoiding the Board meetings, and then the group meetings. So, I stopped doing the things I really wanted to do just to avoid having to spend more time with her. I let her go, returned to the meetings, and we had a fine relationship. We just couldn't work together.

Anyway when you allow a client to have such a hold on your business, whose business is it at that point? Great post!