Virtual Moxie - The Cure For The Common Virtual Assistance Practice

The "juice" is in the relationships

Rebecca wrote the other day to see if I had any idea why so many of her relationships were ending soon after they’d begun. After some back and forth in email, it became clear that Rebecca very much wanted to do the work, but wasn’t so invested in the relationships with clients—she very much just wanted then to give her work, and then leave her alone to do it.

In my view, the “juice” is in the relationship. That’s where every bit of real goodness occurs. And that’s true regardless of whether we’re talking about the relationship between a man and wife, or brother and sister, or two friends, or colleagues, or doctor and patient, or plumber and home owner, or VA and client.

The work is important. I will never say that it’s not. But the work itself is only rocket science if it’s pretty much rocket science, you know? Otherwise, it’s stuff that can done by countless people.

So where you’ll have the biggest opportunity to stand out and make a difference as the sole business expense your clients can’t live without is in the relationships you have with your clients, and the investments you make in those.

There simply is no other you, and there will be no other relationship like yours for each of your clients. And in the relationships, you will either make it or break it for the clients who are really understanding of the reality that what they’re getting isn’t a commodity from you (the others will never get it, no matter what you do).

Bit O’Moxie: Do the work. Do the work fabulously. But focus more on the development and longevity of the relationships you form. Say “yes” to the relationships, even when you can’t do the work. Be as, if not more, committed to the well-being of the relationship than you are to doing the work. Otherwise, you'll have well-done work, but lousy relationships that won’t last, and you’ll begin to question whether you’re in the right business. And that’s not the question you ever want to have to ask yourself.

Are there more outlaws out here than in the corporate world?

Jennifer just wrote to me about something interesting she’s facing. It was so interesting that I decided to stop writing what I’d planned for Moxie this week and address Jennifer’s question, instead.

Jennifer is a corporate EA who is working as a new VA as well. She’s helped some of her managers with side work from time to time, and was recently introduced to a man who was juggling several businesses and seriously needed her help. But when she met him, there were all kinds of red flags she saw—mostly around his lack of ethical behavior in his businesses. She decided not to work with him, but is now a little bit gun shy—wondering whether he’s just the anomaly, or if he’s the norm in the solopreneur world.

Jennifer—first, I want to congratulate you for listening to your gut and not working with that client. Don’t stop letting your gut give you precious information as it will keep you safe a great deal of the time.

I think you raise a really great question—that of whether there are more outlaws out here in the solopreneur world than there are in the more tightly-regulated corporate world. In truth, I don’t have a stat to share on that, and I doubt if you’ll ever find one. But we know, even from solely looking at recent events in the financial sector, that regulations don’t stop people from behaving in shady or despicable ways.

And I’m certain that other VAs—even VAs who have trained with me at AssistU—have stumbled across potential clients very much like the guy you talked with.

What’s most important is knowing who you are, what your business standards are, and then living them. The more that you do that, the less of these people you’ll run into, and the faster you’ll be able to move away from them when you do.

This remains, by the way, a huge lesson for VAs everywhere, and at all experience levels.

Maya Angelou said, “Believe a person when he shows himself to you, the first time.” You did just that, Jennifer, and trust me—you absolutely saved yourself a lot of heartache as a result.

Interviewing, and starting the right relationships the right way is so important. Moving slowly, interviewing/consulting in such a way that it takes time (I recommend at least three very different conversations) before a decision is made about working together, being committed to listening deeply, asking questions to uncover meaning when hearing things you don’t really understand, and paying attention to the other person and to the relationship you want to build will make it more likely for you to choose better clients, form better relationships, and have fewer conflicts along the way.

But it all starts with standards.

Bit O’Moxie: Stand for something, or fall for anything. It sounds like you’re well on your way to knowing just what you stand for, and as a brand new VA, that’s a terrific place to be. Don’t be afraid of what you’ve found out here. Just be resolved to walking away from those people, and to only working with people whose ethics and business values resonate with your own. Those people are more fun, anyway. ;)

FoVA debrief

Two weeks ago, as I prepared to leave for Canada to attend FoVA, I wrote the “buff” post. Here’s part of what I shared:

And the reason that I’m writing about this here on VMoxie? It’s because I see so much derision in our profession toward those who do things differently, or who are the VA equivalent of the kids with pants hanging off their asses, or those with green hair. And I wanted to say that I think there’s value in seeing the buffness of others, even if we don’t all share the same view of what’s buff.

In this way, for instance, I can still embrace every single thing I’ve developed, lived, and taught for the past 12+ years, and you can do your thing, and that person over there can do her thing, and so on…and we can still agree that we all contribute to a wonderfully diverse and rich landscape that didn’t even exist just a short time ago, and will probably look very little like it does today in another decade.

Maybe if we start noticing the buffness of everyone around us, we’ll find out that we actually don’t disagree on as much as we may have thought. And in learning that, we might actually reach consensus on some of the issues we go round and round about.

So off Dawn and I went, and although a small group, it was a very powerful and committed group of VAs of all ages, and experiences. Industry leaders were there, learning, growing, and playing with people, some of whom haven’t even really yet figured out how, or if they fit into any VA model. And no one was catty. No one was superior. Everyone shared. And everyone honored and respected the opinions put forth by everyone else.

I came home with new professional contacts, some new friends, updated and upgraded friendships with people I’ve known for some time, and an absolutely renewed faith that we are not as different, or as far apart on important topics, as I once thought we seemed to be.

There is absolutely plenty of room for every training, every certification, every organization, and every tradition. We are all, in our own ways, those kids with the green hair and our pants hanging off our asses. We’re all rebels. We’re all making our way. We’re all radically buff.

Bit O’Moxie: I think it does us well to recognize that in each other in a “hey…you’re one of my peeps” sorta way so that we can work together, and celebrate and promote one another, rather than pushing against one another.

In this year that, for me, is all about ease, I am delighted to have learned this particular lesson. I am beyond grateful to every single VA at FoVA for his or her personal contribution to my fabulous and never-ending education.